在教学过程中,我发现学生在作业时只关注词汇、语法,但是没有考虑到整个文章的“flow”。
这里的flow包括2方面,一个是“flow of logic” ,即内容逻辑的紧密、不跳跃、符合普遍常理;另一个是: “ flow of language” 即语言的连接是否流畅、不跳跃。
官方评分标准的第二个方面,包括coherence and cohesion 。先来看定义:
①Coherence:simply put, is how easy the essay is to be understood.简而言之,连贯性就是文章有多容易读懂。
②Cohesion:means connectivity in a text.衔接的大意就是意味着文段的“连接度”。
让我们看看“连接”这一点做得从大约是4 / 5 / 7 / 8分的具体文段,从中体会究竟什么是好的连接吧~
个例子(4分)
The construction of theaters and sport stadiums should not be given up. I myself often go to sport stadiums in spare time and people have different ways of getting relaxed in leisure time. Having some time to let off steam is important for clearing anxiety and stress inside a person. If a person stayed in an anxious and stressful state for too long, one would sooner or later lose good control of his psychological health, then work and life, developing mental disease like depression. This is bad news for everyone.
大意:剧院和体育场馆的建设不应放弃。我本人经常在业余时间去体育馆,人们有不同的放松方式。有时间发泄一下情绪对于消除一个人内心的焦虑和压力很重要。如果一个人长期处于焦虑和紧张的状态,他迟早会失去对健康、工作和生活的良好控制,甚至患上心理疾病比如抑郁症。这对每个人都是坏消息。
正如大家所见,每一对颜色标注的词语都是句子和句子之间连接的信号。但是整个文段没有一个焦点,开始讲剧院和运动场,但是最后讲到了心理健康。
所以,这个文段,有连接但无可读性——这是反面例子哦,写作练习时要尽量避免。
第二个例子(5分)
The constructions of theaters and sport stadiums should not be given up. People often go to theaters because it is an important way of entertainment. People are usually stressed from work because of face pace of modern society. In my country, people work long hours a day and working overtime is common. They need to earn a living or support their family, paying for children’s tuition fees and daily life expense. Life expenses are increasingly high today and this is especially true in the price of housing.
大意:剧院、体育场馆的建设不应放弃。人们经常去电影院,因为这是一种重要的娱乐方式。由于面对现代社会的节奏,人们通常会感到工作压力过大。在我国,人们一天工作很长时间,加班加点很常见。他们需要谋生或养家糊口,支付孩子的学费和日常生活开支。如今,生活开支越来越高,房价尤其如此。
正如大家所见,每一对颜色标注的词语都是句子和句子之间连接的信号,但是整个文段后面讲了人们去剧院的原因、压力大、社会节奏快、要工作加班加点、为了养家糊口,房价的压力最为明显。
这些点连起来是讲人们为什么有压力,有压力要去剧院娱乐。但是和句话不应该被放弃的联系不大。所以,这个文段,有连接,有点可读性,但是素材(ideas)和中心主题关系不大——这是反面例子哦,写作练习时要尽量避免。
第三个例子(7分)
The constructions of theaters and sport stadiums should not be given up. The former facilities provide entertainment value to the public, boost culture proliferation and enriches the city diversity.People are able to watch plays or films with friends; traditional cultures are consistently inherited in plays; city becomes more interesting. Sport facilities, on the other hand, contributes to keeping publics’ health in a high level, relaxing people and promoting a sporting atmosphere. If they are in sufficient number, they will serve as great incentive to encourage people to exercise, to spend leisure time and do sports there.
大意:剧院、体育场馆的建设不应放弃。前者为市民提供娱乐价值,促进文化扩散,丰富城市多样性。人们可以和朋友一起看戏剧或电影;传统文化在戏剧中得到一贯的继承;城市变得更加有趣。另一方面,体育设施有助于保持公众的健康水平,放松人们,促进体育氛围。如果他们有足够的数量,他们将成为一个巨大的激励,鼓励人们在那里锻炼,消磨时间和做运动。
以上文段每一条都有符合7分的标准,有连接,有可读性,素材(ideas)和中心主题关系密切——这是正面例子哦,写作练习时要尽量靠近。
官方评分标准中,对于连接的7分表现为:
logically organizes information and ideas; there is a clearly progression throughout; uses a range of cohesive devices appropriately though there may be some over-/under-use; presents a clear central topic within each paragraph;
信息和素材安排逻辑性强;文段有明显的、贯穿始终的推进感;有恰当地使用量的连接词;每一段有明显的中心;
第四个例子(8分)
The constructions of theaters and sport stadiums should not be given up. Entertainment value, most obviously, is provided to the public when visiting theaters, as they are able to watch plays or films with friends; with plays, where traditional elements are in abundance, being watched by general public, cultures can be proliferated easier; and cities will thus becoming more diverse if there is one more way to entertain. Sport facilities, on the other hand, contribute to keeping publics’ health in a high level, relaxing people and promoting a sporting atmosphere. If such places are in sufficient number and accessible easily enough, they will serve as great incentive to encourage people to exercise, to spend leisure time and do sports there.
大意:剧院、体育场馆的建设不应放弃。参观剧院时,娱乐价值,是最明显的,可以提供给公众的,因为他们可以与朋友观看戏剧或电影;普通大众观看包含传统文化的戏剧,文化就可以更容易地扩散;如果有的娱乐方式,城市将变得更加多样化。另一方面,体育设施有助于保持公众的健康水平,放松人们,促进体育氛围。如果这些地方数量足够多,而且容易到达,它们将成为鼓励人们在那里锻炼、休闲和运动的巨大动力。
官方评分标准中,对于连接的8分表现为:uses cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention;manage all aspects of cohesion well; uses paragraphing sufficiently and appropriately; 也就是连接环环相扣但是不引人注目;而且连接的手段多样娴熟;分段充分恰当;
整个文段符合8分评分标准,“8-9”分——有连接,有可读性, 素材(ideas)和中心主题关系密切,而且连接手段丰富、不引人注目——这是正面例子哦,写作练习时要尽量靠近。
第五个例子(官考)
剑桥雅思真题4的 Test 4的Writing Task 2的文段给了的一个范例,这里引用考官的一个文段:
In many countries, the birth rate is decreasingso that families are smaller with fewer children. These children are often spoilt, not in terms of love and attention because working parents do not have time for this, but in more material ways. They are allowed to have whatever they want, regardless of price,and to behave as they please. This meansthat the children grow up without consideration for others and without any understanding of where their standard of living comes from.
考官这个文段使用了从句so that,并列not in terms of, but in,and以及because;代词These students,They,This means that。
以及替代词(暗连接):material ways 对应的具体化词语是:have whatever they want, regardless of price; 这是一个替代; 另一个是 behave as they please,与 grow up without consideration for others;
总的来讲,要在连接第二个评分标准的B part——中拿到,需要混合地使用代词、同义词(替代词)、连接装置,以及并列句,从句。
并且保证素材之间的关系紧密,可以让读者识别。连接是写作中影响阅读体验的很重要的一个方面,也是和词汇或者语法这两个方面有同样评分权重(25%)的方面,以上就是对于雅思写作连接方面的剖析分享,希望对大家有所帮助。
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